All or Nothing

"Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles.  And let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us, fixing our eyes on Jesus, the pioneer and perfecter of faith.  For the joy set before him he endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God."

Hebrews 12:1-2

I am an all or nothing kind of gal, and so far two of my children have inherited this trait.  So many examples are tumbling through my head....I can't just have ice cream in the house if I am trying to stay away from it, there can't be any.  When it comes to tithing on Sunday I cannot give just some, it has to be all.   I needed to lose weight years ago and making smaller portions wasn't working so I did the dreaded and developed an eating disorder.  I need to hear words of affirmation daily, or else my significance in this world slips.  With the children, when it comes to video games there is no such things as moderation, we either let them have it and they are on them all the time or we take them away and they collect dust.  Same with TV, it can't just be a little, so they often don't watch at all.  Our pediatrician suggested this approached with red food dye, it has too be all or nothing, so we chose nothing (no, I am not going to debate this, they simply stated that it works for some families, they never said it was proven...)  We slip up and let chores go for a day, or even two, and it is so hard to bring them back in.. My list goes on and on.
What about my faith?   Well, that goes along well with my all or nothing, realist view.  I trust my God with everything, I trusted him with his choice of my future husband, a man that I only knew for four short months before our engagement and never had a relationship of any type.  We trusted God with all when starting our family.  We chose to trust him with all when we had to bury our son and again when we discovered our fourth pregnancy that so quickly followed.   We have had to trust him, all or nothing, even when it seemed impossible.  He showed it was possible, a check came in the mail, a note, a word from a stranger.  I often battle  my all or nothing out look, others do not understand but the again, I am not in charge of others.  God has blessed us with this little family, with the things he has given us and the children that are  on loan.  Satan might try his best to come in to kill and destroy but I know that God has the end of the battle.  I pray that my family, my friends, my mothers that I walk next to can rest in this peace.  God wants us, not some, not occasionally but he wants our hearts, all or nothing.